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Posted in: General

Coach Victimisation Warning for coaches, Any advice

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  • JeffSims

    I have coached a team of players for 8-9 years 70% of them the original crew.

    So my retention was good. They were a great group of lads and we won lots of trophies by just doing it.

    I arranged cycle rides, Tough mudder runs, they ball boyed , they had fitness sessions etc etc.

    Personally to do the best for the boys I trained with the RFU, got guest coaches in and had a really good time.

    The boys were really happy until may of this year where one parent viciously verbally attacked me.

    A parent I may add   who did not take part any time in the last 9 years in supporting the team.

    Not happy with that she manipulated her son to organise some of the boys against me which became very painful for my son.

    I was accused of bad conduct, which is not true and now am being investigated by the s[ports governing body.

    She used her status as a police officer to further her cause.

    A warning to all , the club I coached at support me and all the members. The boys turned against each other and all their work and mine over the last 9 years destroyed, the team disbanded.

    Some of the boys have left the game, which breaks my heart. I am now lost.

    Fellow Coaches watch your back and can anyone help me please. 

  • swimalan

    It's easy don't do anything wrong see if you don't make any mistakes you can't be held accountable told you it's easy

  • Windrain

    You can only control how you behave, you are not responsible for how others behave.

    Be proud of what you have done.

    You have to be indifferent to how other people behave it is like a random event and should never affect how you think about yourself.

  • Ralph

    Ignore Alan’s appalling and rather naive or arrogant advice.

    Mark Casslin is nearer the helpful point.

     Just to analyse the approach of ‘don’t do anything wrong.’

    Any coach, even a half decent one knows all about the perfectionist trap. Only Alan it would appear is God. Everyone else is human, mistakes are how we learn, they are an integral part of growth and development. Humans are imperfect by design and will always err.

     At the end of the day, if you are to be believed, you did nothing wrong.

    Would you have done anything different?

    This also illustrates again where Alan was wide of the mark, you weren’t asking where you went wrong, just what to do about it and how to think about it.

    And without any knowledge, except what you wrote, Alan has essentially accused you of doing something wrong with his advice. It’s easier to destroy than create. So much for coach unity and empathy.

     I’d suggest you get extra insurance and legal funds for this. This will happen again, it will get worse, it will happen to Alan sooner or later. It’s the rise of the narcissist; ‘it’s everyone else’s fault.’

    Just as the Police would say, you can have all the security you like in your house, and you can still get burgled, nothing is truly safe proof nor fool proof, unless you’re Alan of course. There is nothing more complex and unpredictable than the human being, there will always be outliers. And worst of these is the bull-dozer mum.

     There’s a famous Mandela quote: the past is meant to be a lesson not a prison.

    Move on from this re-build your squad.

  • rogerkaye73

    Hi Jeff,

    I can only assume Alan must have misread / misunderstood your point.

    Even if we do all the right things the right way a parent that perceives a slight of some sort could be a real danger.

    As well as you personally taking a hit it sounds like the players have been denied the option of continued participation.

    I guess the parent involved won't care the team has folded they probably think the team folding has nothing to do with their actions and has just taken their child to another team / club.

    I hope are able to find it in yourself to resume coaching once the investigation is complete. It would be such a shame if someone who appears to have used your love of rugby as a babysitting service stops you persuing a passion.

    Best wishes,

    Roger

  • Brommo

    This is a difficult one without knowing the detail, but if the parent’s verbal attack was out of the blue and unjustified then he/she will be in breach of the sport’s code of conduct. If this were to happen then the incident should be reported immediately to the club committee who would then investigate and take the appropriate action (such as suspension of membership, etc). You say the club is fully supporting you but I wonder what their initial response/action was such that it’s now got to the governing body’s stage? I would check your club policy/procedures and prepare any evidence (witness statements etc) that may support your case. Unfortunately, from the information available, I think you will have to ride this one out and ensure actions are put in place by your club to ensure this kind of thing doesn’t escalate again. It’s not only about protecting yourself, it’s also important to lay the foundations to protect future coaches at the club. Good luck. Chris

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